求搞笑双簧剧本和相声剧本…谢 不要网上的那些些 什么最佳搭当之类的 最快是自己的

求搞笑双簧剧本和相声剧本…谢 不要网上的那些些 什么最佳搭当之类的 最快是自己的

我有英语小品:搞笑版本的小品《长亭送别》长亭送别 英文版 旁 白 :On a sunny morning, yingying’s mother CY, Miss Red and the Buddhist monk gathered in Chang Ting so as to see Zhang Sheng off. ACTION1 崔莺莺：We just got married before long, but you have to set off for the capital to take the exam today. 张生：To be honest, I don’t want to leave you, but I want to give you a bright future. 崔莺莺：But ,but you are more valuable than that for me. 张生：Me, too. Until all the mountains break down, the sky and the land combine with each other will I let you live alone. (执手) ACTION2 莺莺妈：Ok, stop here my children, I know what you will say next. (冲一边)I love you. (冲另一边)I love you more. (转)I love you, you mean more to me than anything in this whole world. (转)I promise.(保持深情凝望状) 张生：Mum…mum? 莺莺妈：Remember to get a high score. 张生：Ok , I will. 和尚：阿弥陀佛……Dear Madam, you should have confidence in him. Look!(指张生)What a handsome, hard-working, smart, gifted and kind man he is! . 莺莺妈：God bless you. Miss Red, ask them to prepare the carriages 红娘：I know. 和尚：Permit me to offer my help.(左走) 莺莺妈：That’s very kind of you.(右下) ACTION3 红娘：Excuse me…What’s up?(和尚盯着红娘看，红娘摸脸，手在和尚眼前晃了晃) 和尚：You! You! You! (3次手颤)Do you have a birthmark on your right arm? Like this! 红娘：(撸袖子) Yes, but how do you know? 和尚：You are my missing daughter!(Shout) 红娘：Daddy! (Hug) Action 4 崔莺莺：He loves me. He doesn’t. He loves me. He doesn’t….(撕花瓣状) He doesn’t! (抱母哭) 莺莺妈：Dear, believe me he treats you much more important than anything else 崔莺莺：But he will leave today, he will meet another girl and forget me! 莺莺妈：The moon won’t be full all the time as well as we must face departure. 崔莺莺：Perhaps I should trust him. We have overcome many difficulties and our love will last forever ACTION 5 红娘：Carriages are ready, madam. 张生：Well, it’s time to go now. 莺莺妈：Farewell! Have a good journey! 红娘：Listen to me, gentleman. Boys and girls, open your English book and turn to page 8. Thomas Edison once said, “Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration. Accordingly, a “genius” is often merely a talented person who has done all of his or her homework. 张生：Who’s Thomas Edison? 红娘：An inventor lived in 19th century. 崔莺莺：(清嗓子，打断) Honey, repeat what I have told you. 张生：Look after myself, keep away from the robber, what’s more is— 崔莺莺：Don’t pick the flowers grown sideways! Is that all? No! Get up! 张生：Get up earlier than the chicken. 崔莺莺：Sleep! 张生：Sleep later than the dog. 崔莺莺：Eat! 张生：Eat more than the pig. 崔莺莺：Work! 张生：Work harder than the cow. 崔莺莺：Good, I’m looking forward to your success.One, two, three. 崔莺莺\莺莺妈\和尚\红娘(握拳状) Fighting！